A Decision Based On Love Read online

  Chapter 6

  On the day of the funeral, family time to gather, pray, and say final farewells was both heart-wrenching and crucial to each family member. The mortician had done a beautiful job on the skin and faces of both bodies. They looked peaceful and content. Some family members hung back, wanted to remember the living as they had lived, full of life and laughter. Others seemed to need to gaze upon their faces one last time to say farewell. One of Shari's brothers delivered a beautiful prayer and heavenly music floated softly from the chapel

  Tyson was a stiff, nearly lifeless, zombie. Still trying to control the flood of emotions, and afraid of what he would see in the eyes of friends and family, he turned off all emotion. He simply continued to put one foot in front of the other and breathe in and out. Liz stuck to him like a band aid, watching his face for any sign of the pain she knew he was experiencing. She was filled with admiration for his courage and wondered if anyone else saw the pain behind his eyes as he looked for the last time at his mother's slightly wrinkled face, tan from years in the sunshine, but always so full of love. His face never changed expression, but his sweaty hand clung to Liz and she felt his knees wobble slightly, and then he straightened up and reached into the casket. He brushed a stray lock from her forehead and whispered, “You know how much I love you don't you mom. You've always known.” All day long he had been trying to remain in control and keep from breaking down. He reminded himself of Shari's belief in the afterlife and he hoped and prayed she was in a happy place somewhere with Mark. As the familiar knot of pain began in his abdomen, Tyson closed his eyes against the assault. Gradually, as it had begun, the knot began to dissipate and a sweet peaceful assurance seeped in to replace it. Tyson felt her presence almost as if she were there to whisper comfort to him and the vice squeezing his heart loosened slightly. The moment was a tender mercy from Heaven and it was just what Tyson needed to get through the next hour.

  When Todd was around his family he became the rock of strength they leaned on. He always had been. This family time was no different. Later, alone, he would face the feelings crowding his consciousness. He knew his beloved Shari wasn't still in the body that lay in the casket so he spent only a few moments gazing down on the woman who had been his soul mate for over ½ of his life. He touched her hand but it was stiff and still and he pulled back quickly, and watched the other family members to see how they were holding up, wondering what he could do to make it easier on them.

  Cami seemed to be handling things fairly well. Tears trailed down her cheeks as she came forward and held her mother's hand. For a moment he watched her transition back to herself centered teenage years as she asked the lifeless face questions about how she could possibly go on without a mother to help and guide her. They had always been close and without a mother, Cami's life really would be much more difficult. It would take her years to adjust to the lack of daily calls and sharing of funny stories. Todd knew that, in a way, they had been best friends and the friendship would be sorely missed.

  The farewells to Mark were almost more painful. Shari had lived a full, exciting life filled with family and friends. Mark had just begun to experience the joy of family life. There are few things as painful as young lives, so filled with promise, cut short. Everyone who passed the casket felt the loss deeply.

  Tyson's children had stayed with a relative outside of the room but Marci felt the need to have Eli close as she entered the room. She thought she had prepared herself emotionally for the sight of Mark in the casket, but realized now how absurd that thought was. She knew she was looking at her husbands' face for the final time in this life and yet it didn't really seem like him. His face looked peaceful and his wavy dark hair was perfect, but there was no smile on his face. Mark's signature was his enormous smile and he was almost always wearing it, especially around her. He didn't seem himself without it. Still, she gazed at his face and tried to memorize every centimeter of it. It was only when Eli turned in her arms to face the casket that she realized he hadn't seen his father yet. The room was quiet, except for a few sniffles, when Eli suddenly screamed for his daddy. He lunged toward the casket and became hysterical when they wouldn't let him reach his daddy. He threw a tantrum, crying and fighting until his mommy's heart was a wadded up ball of garbage. Someone took him out of the room and she could hear his frantic cries for his daddy down the hall. Marci knew nothing she faced in her life could ever be worse than this. She wanted to climb inside the casket with Mark, curl up against his chest and fall asleep forever. Instead, she ran her fingers through his thick hair the way he loved and whispered sweet words of never-ending love, and promises for the future. She stood beside him for a long, long time, unwilling to move, unable to leave and afraid of never seeing him again.

  When the music for the funeral started, the mortician guided her by the arm towards the door as they closed the lid for the final time.

  Shari's friends had worked magic to make the funeral a beautiful, moving tribute to her and Mark. They had spent hours collecting photographs from the boxes in Todd's den and they put together a beautiful presentation of their lives, their joy and their love for family. Pictures of piggy back rides, homemade Halloween costumes and backyard games were interspersed with family vacations, prom dresses and wedding photos. Mark and his young family were featured in as many photos as Shari and in each photo his smile seemed wider and more all encompassing. The soft background music was interrupted occasionally by a muffled sniffle as thoughts turned to memories of times with Mark and Shari.

  The church was packed with friends and family and extra chairs lined the aisles. Whenever a tragedy takes the life of someone so young the pews fill up. There were literally hundreds of people who could consider themselves friends with one of the deceased. Gorgeous floral arrangements, filled with lilies, brightly colored Gerber daisies, mums and every imaginable shade of orchid exploded across the podium and stage. Their scents transported the first 4 rows to an outdoor spring garden, and Todd smiled as he entered at how Shari would have loved the flowers. Apparently, her friends knew she would have loved them too. This was the last gift they could give to a woman who had been there for them on so many difficult days. Truly, they had outdone themselves.

  The eulogy was filled with remembrances of moments of joy, details of their lives and notes of the service and love they had both shared with family and friends. Yes, it made them look a little bit like saints, but at a moment like this that seems acceptable. When the congregation wasn't crying softly, they were smiling warmly.

  A sister in law of Shari's rose to sing a favorite song of both Shari's and Mark's. They had often sung together as Mark played the piano and his deep bass drowned out her scratchy, usually out of tune alto. As the singer’s beautiful voice began the strains from “How Great Thou Art,” a calm, peaceful feeling settled over the room, and for the briefest of moments the pain and lost was eclipsed. On the last verse, as she started the chorus, the singer's voice choked slightly on a sob and the music continued alone. She paused, closed her eyes to refocus and finished the final phrase, “how great thou art.” It was supposed to be sung strong and with conviction, but it came out more of a whispered plea.

  Lastly, Todd stood to thank everyone for their love and support. His ashen face was lined with pain as he told them how much this would mean for both Shari and Mark.

  “I want you to know that I consider these two of the finest people I have ever known and it has been a great privilege to have them in my life. They each made every day better just by being in it. Though their lives were cut short, they both experienced more joy in those short years than many people know their whole lives. We were truly lucky to have been around them for so long. As we remember them today, let's keep that memory in our hearts and pull it out once in awhile for a smile. They are gone but they will never be forgotten. Shari and Mark loved family, God and each other. In life they were there for each of us and for each other and in death they are still together. Thank you for
the love and friendship you showered on them. That love will last forever.”

  As he crossed the room to sit down his wobbly knees nearly buckled and the papers in his hands rattled. Beyond the emotions, everyone knew engineer types weren't public speakers, and he fervently hoped he never had to do anything like this again.

  The line of well wishers was long and slow moving. Everyone had an encouraging thing to say, a hug and a short memory of something they had done with either Mark or Shari. Tyson opted out of the receiving line, preferring not to look anyone in the face just yet. Cami took on the role her mother carried for so long as a natural hostess. Ignoring the frequent tears that slid down her cheeks, she offered at least as much comfort as she took from others. Todd and Marci both accepted hugs and condolences in a trans-like state, nodding mutely and thanking people for coming, but never really hearing anything they said. By the time the church cleared out everyone in the family was exhausted. The caskets were carried out and the family followed in a small procession. They had asked, after the enormous funeral service attendance, for just the immediate family to gather at the grave site. Though it seemed there could be no more tears to shed, the moment the caskets were lowered into the ground and the first shovel of dirt was placed on them, the finality set in. Tyson kept his head bowed and Liz enveloped his hand in both of hers. Todd and Cami held onto each other as he whispered his final farewell. Marci's hand covered her mouth, then she lurched forward, fell to her knees and called Mark's name. Instantly the entire family surrounded her. To a group picked clear to the bone with emotion, it was the final blow. They knelt with Marci and sobbed together, holding tightly onto each other.