A Decision Based On Love Read online

  Chapter 20

  As the blistering hot Arizona summer days began to fade into slightly cooler evenings in the fall Todd and Hershey resurrected their favorite hiking habits. The one nice thing about the summer days was their length. Todd and Hershey often found themselves hiking late into the evening still enjoying daylight as the air cooled. Hershey still loved to run and it was all Todd could do to keep up with him.

  The duo still had to start early on Saturday mornings before the heat set in, but it seemed like half of Phoenix had the same idea as they pulled into the parking lot of their favorite hike. Sonoran park preserve was a long, challenging hike with room on the trail to run if they chose. Fortunately, there were enough trails around the mountain to accommodate a lot of hikers. Todd and Hershey started up the summit hike, and after a short stretch they took off running. Lost in thought, Todd wasn't paying particular attention to where his feet landed when Hershey suddenly stopped running and barked threateningly. Todd nearly catapulted over the crazy dog as he looked to the right of the trail to see what had caused the hold up. Coiled to the side of the trail, basking in the early morning sunshine was a huge, angry, rattlesnake. Hershey leapt and danced, barking and trying to play with the snake while it darted and lunged in his direction, fangs bared. The last thing Todd wanted was to carry an enormous, injured dog down the side of the mountain so he pulled hard on the leash and backed slowly away from the viper. It was a little too close of a call though and Todd made the decision to keep his head a little more alert when he was hiking and not get lost in a fog of thoughts.

  The rest of the day Todd was in a funk. He couldn't seem to shake the melancholy that surrounded him. Somehow he knew it had to do with Shari but he couldn't quite put his finger on what was bothering him. It came to him suddenly when a co-worker at lunch asked him about his day. He was telling him the story of the close call with the rattlesnake when he realized what was bothering him. There was no one to care. There was no one at home to tell the story too, to panic at his close call and to put their arms around him and tell him how glad they are that he is OK. Worse of all was the thought that if he were injured there would be nobody at home to pamper him and take care of him. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so alone in the world. It was a lonely thought and he realized that he didn't like it very much. Even figuring out what was weighing him down didn't bring Todd much relief. This chapter of his life wasn't going to be an easy one to work through.

  He continued to hike, more vigilant now than previously and he usually hiked early in the day when the sun wasn't so hot. He generally tried to avoid Saturday mornings because it was so crowded every weekend, but one day he woke up early and decided to brave the crowds and hit the trail. It seemed like most of the city had the same idea. The lower parking lot was full and the upper lot was filling up fast by the time he pulled in about 7am. It was already warming up to be a roaster. He was glad he had decided not to bring Hershey today. He was on Piestewa Peak and dogs aren't allowed on this trail. With the trail this crowded Hershey just didn't seem to fit. He took off at a casual run and paid more attention than usual to the people and wildlife on the trail. Up in the distance he noticed two women about his age making pretty good time in front of him. The mountain was usually filled with young, hard bodies running so he noticed when people in his age range were keeping up with the pack. He gained on them fairly quickly and as he came up behind them he couldn't help but notice their tan, lightly muscled legs. He knew Shari would have appreciated with a little envy their fast, effortless gate and strong muscles. They called out a greeting and stepped to the side so he could pass as he came up behind them. Their voices were friendly and they were laughing about something as he went by. For some reason the exchange left him feeling a little bereft. He shook off the feeling and continued.

  The top of Piestewa peak is jagged and small so he usually did a quick turn around and headed back down but today he felt the need to stand on the top for a minute and stare out at the landscape. He was enjoying the view and trying not to contemplate anything too serious when the women reached the summit behind him. They greeted him cheerily, “hey, there's the trailgater who almost ran us over,” They smiled and waved.

  Todd turned red and grinned sheepishly back at them. He hadn't had many exchanges with women in a long time and he wasn't sure if this was friendly or flirty so he just waved casually. They turned and started back down and left Todd on the summit thinking about maybe someday finding another companion to share his life with. It would have to take some kind of miraculous intervention for him to find anyone. Unless she dropped in to his lap he wasn't likely to make any overtures on his own.

  With a pathetic shake of his head he started down the mountain. About ½ way down the trail a small crowd had gathered. Someone was blocking the trail and from the concerned comments he surmised that an accident had occurred. With the trail at a standstill he wasn’t going anywhere anyway so he stretched up high on his tiptoes to see what the holdup was. Todd was surprised and a little alarmed to see one of the two friendly women who had recently joked with him was doubled over in pain and struggling to stay on her feet. He met the glance of her friend who looked worried as well as sympathetic and she smiled in recognition. “Jaclyn slipped on a loose rock and turned her ankle. It's swelling up and very painful. She really can't put any weight on it.”

  Todd worked his way forward as the crowd thinned and people moved up or down the narrow trail. He bent down close to see the damage. “Jaclyn, do you think if your friend and I supported you on either side you could limp down the mountain, or do you need for us to call the paramedics?”

  “I can definitely make it with your help,” Jaclyn smiled her gratitude through a clenched jaw. She may be in pain but no self respecting hiker wanted to be featured on the evening news getting a helicopter ride off of a mountain, or worse, carried down by paramedics on a stretcher. There was no question though she wouldn’t to be able to get off of the mountain without help.

  “Well, it's not getting any less painful or any less swollen as we sit here so let's get started.” Jaclyn stood and grimaced slightly as she straightened out the swollen foot and kept it bent behind her.

  Todd positioned himself awkwardly at her side while her friend clamped her arm around Jaclyn's waist and wrapped Jaclyn's free arm over her shoulder. Todd gently tucked his arm around her waist from the other side and bent over so she could wrap an arm around his shoulder. “It looks like my knight in shining armor is a little too tall,” Jaclyn laughed to ease the tension as she saw the uncertainty in his face. As a group they slowly limped down the trail with Todd doing more carrying than supporting.

  When they stopped for a break Jaclyn introduced them. “By the way, she said, “the clumsy hiker you rescued, that's me, my name is Jaclyn and this is my friend Alecia. What can we call you Lancelot.?”

  Todd smiled at her ability to defuse an uncomfortable situation. “I'm Todd,” He tried to think of something clever to say but his tongue felt fat in his mouth so he just smiled instead.

  They had hobbled down nearly the entire mountain when Todd started to feel self conscious about his sweat soaked shirt and an unappealing odor that he was pretty sure was coming from him. He had been hiking hard in the heat before he volunteered to support Jaclyn down the mountain. Now, he was literally dripping sweat. Jaclyn's arm was wrapped around his shoulders so he knew she was aware of the increasing moisture. When he couldn't ignore it any longer he tried for a light apology. “Sorry about the sweat and stench ladies. I guess I'm not in as good of shape as I thought I was.”

  Fortunately, Jaclyn had a quick, witty response, “Don't worry Todd. I can hardly notice you over Alicia’s smell. She is infinitely stinkier than you.

  “Hello, right here,” Alecia reminder her friend with feigned annoyance.

  Jaclyn just laughed. “She's a little sensitive about it. But that's OK because she knows that I love her even if she is sweaty and stinky.” Before the conver
sation could lull, Jaclyn added, “I can't thank you enough for helping me Todd. I promise not even to tell your wife that I had my arms around you all morning.”

  Todd wasn't sure because he was so out of practice but it sounded a little flirty to him so of course he turned red and his tongue tangled. “She wouldn’t mind if I explained the situation to her. I mean if I had a wife, which I don't. Well, technically I still do but she passed away so I kind of don't.” Gees, did he really just stammer that out? Even Jaclyn and Alecia didn't have a response for that lame comment. Todd wondered briefly if she had been “fishing” to find out if he was married. Well, he pretty much took care of any interest in that area.

  “I'm sorry to hear about your wife,” Jaclyn offered. “I'm guessing it hasn't been that long since you lost her.”

  “A few months short of a year. Sometimes it seems like much much longer and sometimes it seems like yesterday.”Todd signed and the sadness was still in his voice.

  By now they were just about to the parking lot and Jaclyn paused on the trail and looked up into his red face. “Well, I think she was a very lucky woman to have such a gallant husband.”

  Todd felt a little flip flop of something in his stomach and he swallowed hard. She was pretty, even when her face was contorted in pain. Her dark hair was pulled back in a clip and little tendrils had escaped and framed her face. She had big brown eyes, lots of laugh lines and a strong healthy body. He actually liked being around her.

  “I hope you're OK,” Todd ventured. “Do you want me to call your husband for you or anything?” Sheez, he nearly cringed visibly. That was such obvious fishing. Even Jaclyn and Alecia had to have seen it. They did, but they were too polite to tease him about it. “No husband,” Jaclyn offered, “not even a concerned boyfriend to call. I'll just have to cry my heart out to my overprotective cat “Mr. Magic.”

  As she limped the last few feet to the car they had driven in, Jaclyn decided to throw him a bone. “I bet I'll be back on this mountain by 2 weeks from today, at this very time.” Yes, it was a little obvious, but something told her Todd might be worth making a fool of herself.

  “Well, then maybe I'll see you here.” Todd said as he waved goodbye. He got into his truck, rolled down the windows and cranked the radio to an old 80's station just as “Don't stop Believing” blared out at him. He hadn't felt so optimistic about the future in nearly a year. Maybe someday he could find someone who he could at least share part of his life with. It gave him a little flash of hope in his heart. He was singing along with the radio as he drove towards home.

  For two weeks he thought about what to do when he saw Jaclyn again. If she showed up at all. If he showed up at all. His heart picked up speed when he thought about seeing her again, but his mind still screeched to a halt when he thought about Shari. One thing he loved about Shari was the companionship and friendship she had always provided in their relationship. He rationalized that he wouldn't miss it so much now if he hadn't had a lifetime filled with it. He really felt like she would want him to find friendship and companionship again, wouldn't she? He ran his fingers through his hair and yanked on the roots. It was hurting his brain to work this hard on something. He flip flopped back and forth about whether he was ready to meet another woman all week long. He would just about convince himself of one thing and then the opposite argument would rear its ugly head. It was all too much.

  Saturday morning, two weeks from the original meeting Todd was awake at daybreak. It was looking to be a scorching hot day and he knew if he and Hershey were going to hike they'd have to get going. He had started and stopped so many times this morning there were skid marks from his hiking shoes on the tile floor. In the end he couldn't do it. It felt too weird to be scheming on another woman. He tore off his hiking shoes, put a dejected Hershey out in the yard and paced around the house. In the next few hours he snapped at a telemarketer, broke a dish when he put it down on the counter too hard, and yelled at three different television stations before he started to wonder if he had made a mistake.

  Jaclyn was on his mind way too much the following week. It was crazy to think about her so much. Something was definitely wrong with him. On Wednesday he decided to try an experiment. Maybe he was just lonely for human interaction. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday Todd called family and friends and spent every spare minute enjoying their company. It did ease the loneliness but he was exhausted from working so hard at it. Inside Todd knew he would never continue to put that much effort into keeping himself from being lonely. It had always been so easy before. He daydreamed about the relaxed, casual evenings he and Shari had shared so often, just visiting, enjoying nature, a television program, a walk or a little work in the yard. It dawned on him as he reminisced that he probably had taken for granted how much he enjoyed coming home from work all those years knowing someone was there to ask him about his day, share a meal and plan a little evening activity. The realization brought a misty expression to his eyes. “If I could go back to one of those nights with Shari I would scoop her up in my arms, spin her around and tell her she made me the happiest man in the world and I would cherish every minute of our time together.”

  Todd went to bed Friday feeling melancholy and still not sure what he was going to do about Saturday morning. He had missed Jaclyn the week before but she might be there again this Saturday. He slept restlessly and woke early. He could have gone hiking early and guaranteed missing her but he found numerous outside chores to do to keep him busy. He watched the clock like a teenager before his first date. When he was checking his hair in the mirror for the 2nd time he glared at his reflection, “Who does their hair before they go hiking,” he scowled? He knew then that he was going to the mountain and he was hoping to see Jaclyn again. Once he admitted it to himself he could actually look forward to it. He was just headed out the door when the phone rang. He saw that it was Cami so he automatically poked the accept button and answered.

  “Hey dad, what are you doing this morning?”

  “Just hiking Piestewa. Why what's up” he asked?

  “Nothing, I just called to say hi. You sound like you're out of breath. Is everything ok? Are you up to something, she asked suspiciously?

  How did she do that? Her mother was the same way. She could tell from a phone conversation when he was hiding something. Frankly, it was annoying.

  “Look Cami, I'll call you later. I'm anxious to get going.” Todd knew he had to get off the phone soon or she'd be grilling him about Jaclyn and he definitely wasn't ready to say anything about her yet.

  Cami looked at the dead cell phone in her hand. He was clearly up to something.

  Todd got to the mountain a little later than he planned and even though he scanned the trail he didn't see the two women anywhere. He spent several long minutes stretching, hoping to catch a glimpse of them but to no avail. He was surprised how disappointed he was. With so much anxiety to burn up Todd kept pace by running at almost full speed. The trail curved around the mountain on the back side and provided a short respite of shade and as they neared the top. Todd came to a screeching halt when he came around the corner and saw Jaclyn and Alecia resting on a rock in the shade.

  “Hi there Lancelot. It's good to see you.” Jaclyn sounded confident but her eyes searched his to see if he was disappointed to run into her again.

  Her look of uncertainty was all Todd needed to give him a boost. Suddenly, he felt good about seeing her again and excited about getting to know her better. The anxiety was gone, replaced by a confidence that Shari would indeed approve of this. “It's good to see you too. I'm sorry I missed you last week. I've been trying to decide if I'm ready to be friends with a woman yet.” He decided to be honest right up front about his absence.

  “And?” Jaclyn questioned. She looked down and wiggled the ankle encased in a cloth brace.

  “I am,” he said it confidently and with conviction. “Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?”

  “I would. But that would require m
e actually making it down this mountain before dinner time and right now that is looking questionable. I keep making Alecia stop so I can rest my ankle.”

  “Would you like some help, he offered?

  “No, you finish going up and you'll undoubtedly pass us on your way down. We'll see you then.” She waved him off with a smile.

  Todd sprinted the last few hindered yards. Behind his burning lungs his heart was doing little jumping jacks. He had a date. His first “first” date in over 30 years. He was pretty sure the nerves would set in later today, but right now he just felt excitement.

  He caught the two women with a little over 1/4 of the mountain to finish and he slowed his pace to walk with them. They talked casually about Jaclyn's recovery, their weeks and where they might go for dinner. When they got to the parking lot they traded cell phone numbers and Jaclyn promised to text him her address. She smiled as she waved goodbye and Todd stood in the parking lot grinning like an idiot for several minutes after she drove away.

  When Jaclyn opened the door several hours later, Todd took one look at her and began to hyperventilate. She was wearing a yellow sundress and her arms and legs were tanned and toned. Her smile hinted at inner joy and contentment. If she looked good on the mountain, she was even prettier dressed for dinner out. He was still trying to figure out how to breathe when he thrust some flowers into her hands. Jaclyn was pretty sure she knew what was going on. She invited him in, hiding her grin behind the bouquet. He really was old school. She knew she was the first woman he had dated since his wife's death and he would probably do a handful of dumb things before the night was over but he really was a good man. Regardless of where this friendship went, Jaclyn decided to do everything in her power to make this evening as easy and enjoyable for Todd as she possibly could.

  They shared stories over dinner and got to know each other better. She was a marginally successful travel agent who loved to travel the world trying out everything from humanitarian trips to photography safaris. Her husband had left several years ago to prove he could still be successful with women half his age. By the time he left she was tired of trying to hang on so it was more of a relief than heartbreak. She had friends, family and a job she loved but had never been blessed with children of her own. He talked about his wife, and was surprised that it didn't seem awkward or uncomfortable to be talking to his date about his wife. She asked pointed questions about Shari's personality and their life together and smiled when he laughed fondly at the memories. He talked about his kids and still teared up when he talked about Mark and his heroic sacrifice to be with his mom at the end.

  Jaclyn was warmed by his love for these people and stunned that so much happiness and love existed in one family. She had set out this evening to try and make this a positive experience for Todd but found more and more that she was feeling drawn with admiration to this man who loved so deeply and completely everyone in his life.

  They laughed about bizarre places they had visited, things they wanted to do, and things they never wanted to do. He was stunned when she said she wanted to visit the worlds' best roller coasters and ride them all. The one thing Shari had never wanted any part of was his love for stomach dropping, jaw rattling roller coasters. He loved them with a feverish passion of adrenaline. He was beyond pleased to see that Jaclyn did too, but he thought he'd save that conversation for another time.

  They talked easily the entire night until Todd walked her to the door. An awkward silence settled on them both. Todd started sweating and looked down at his hands. Would a hand shake be too weird? Jaclyn swooped into the rescue, as had been her nature all evening. She faced him, took both of his clammy palms in hers and looked into his startled eyes. “I had a wonderful time, and now that you have my number I hope you call me again sometime. Good night Todd.” She squeezed his hands lightly, and then dropped them as she turned to let herself into her house.

  Todd moved very slowly over the next several weeks. He and Hershey hiked with Jaclyn and Alecia every Saturday morning and then he called her sometime during the week, usually on Wednesday night because that was as long as he could go without talking to her, and they went out somewhere to eat or check out a show, a concert, a museum or an art exhibit. He thought about her almost as much as he thought about Shari and still struggled with whether that was ok or not. One night as he and Jaclyn laughed at something that was said he grew quiet and then paid her the most sincere compliment he could. “I think Shari would have really liked you Jaclyn.” He really meant it and Jaclyn seemed pleased that he said it.

  Todd knew it was time to tell his kids about his dating life. A part of him dreaded it but a part of him wanted to share his newfound excitement with those he loved. He was pretty confident that Tyson would take it well but he wasn't so sure about Cami. He really didn't know what to expect from Marci. After a few weeks of thought he decided to talk to Tyson first and see how things went.

  Todd and Tyson had scheduled a day of high speed driving instruction at the Bounderant School of High Performance Racing at Firebird raceway and both men were looking forward to some tire squealing speed when they checked in at the welcome desk. The two had started to really enjoy their father son activities and found they had a lot more interests in common than either of them knew.

  Todd paid for the program and both men signed liability waivers.

  “You gotta love it when the first thing you do is sign the “you can't sue me if you die” form,” Tyson joked as he nonchalantly signed the waiver.

  “I'm looking forward to this more than I anticipated,” Todd said with an irrepressible smile as he gave the form a cursory read and signed. “I hope it's a good experience.”

  “Of course it will be a good experience,” Tyson grinned, “You're paying for it. Anything is enjoyable when I don't have to pay for it.”

  Todd laughed at his son's attitude. “Yeah, well, lunch says I can get more speed around the track while keeping my wheels on the turf than you can.”

  “Whoa old man. You just bought yourself a lunch date,” Tyson loved competition almost as much as the idea of driving a high performance race car.

  While the two found a head sock and a helmet that fit they had a few minutes alone. Todd decided to bring up the subject of his new friend.

  “Hey Tyson, how would you feel about me dating?” Todd was nothing if not direct.

  Tyson was a little stunned but shook it off quickly. “I think that's great dad, if you're sure you're ready for that. I hadn't really thought about it but I can't really imagine you spending the rest of your life alone, even with enormously engaging offspring like us.”

  “I met a woman hiking and I wanted to talk to you and Cami about her before you hear about me showing up somewhere with a date,” Todd explained.

  “I'll look forward to meeting her,” Tyson knew he'd spend the next few hours mulling this new information over in his head trying to figure out how he felt about it.

  After a short orientation the students were taken to the race track and assigned a Camero with a pace car to follow. They were to get the feel of the track by following a pace car for a few laps at a required minimum distance and then the speed would increase with their capacity to stay with the pace car. Tyson, Todd and one other driver were all following the same pace car at equal distances behind one another. As they entered their cars the pace car driver cautioned, “If you can't keep up, you will be asked to leave the course.” That was all the incentive they needed.

  At first the new cars, the unfamiliar track and the nerves kept them white knuckling the steering wheel but as they learned when to hug the inside corners and when to accelerate out of a turn they all began to pick up speed. Tires screeched around corners and an occasional cloud of dust indicated someone cut a corner a little too sharp but after a dozen laps or so the cars were flying around curves and handling beautifully. Both speed junkies were having the time of their lives.

  On the final lap they came in hot and hit the brakes hard, jum
ping out to high five each other like high school football heroes. “That was awesome,” Tyson's eyes were wide with excitement. I just want to get in there and keep going faster and faster all day.”

  Todd was equally pumped. “I was a little nervous at first about the whole pace car thing, but I gotta admit, I loved it.”

  After the other racers had a turn the course instructors brought out the big money cars. Corvettes worth more than Todd paid for his house rolled out onto the racetrack. Each bright yellow and black car had a professional race car driver behind the wheel. Tyson jumped into the first one that rolled to a stop and was still fastening his whole body harness when someone slammed the door and the driver left a patch of rubber on the track. He drove nearly twice as fast as they had and took every corner expertly, as they roared around the track. Todd was hot on his tail in another Corvette and his driver was just a little more reckless than Tyson's. He was making sure Todd had an experience to remember.

  The grins on their faces when they exited the Corvette's said more than any words could have. As they removed their helmets and thanked the instructors Tyson casually said, “You know dad, I've been thinking a little about mom's last day and the things she said in the stairwell. I've never met anyone so honestly selfless in my life and I can't help but believe that the way she loved you she really wouldn't have wanted you to spend the rest of your life alone.”

  Todd tried to respond but the comment hit a raw spot somewhere and so he clenched his jaw and willed his eyes to remain dry and his voice not to crack. “Thanks son,” was all he got out. But it was accompanied by a bear hug that lasted a little longer than was necessary.

  Riding on a high from the race and Tyson's comment, Todd decided to call the girls. He knew from past experience that Cami didn't like change and didn't usually respond well at first to new ideas. Given a little time to process however, he was sure she would be supportive and encouraging.

  “Hey sweetheart, how are you,” he called to ask?

  “Good, just getting the baby down for the night and then spending a little quality time with her daddy. What are you up to?”

  “Well, I wanted to talk to you about something that's been on my mind for awhile. How would you feel about me dating?” Being direct had worked with Tyson so he decided to give it a try with Cami.

  He heard her take a deep breath. “Well, I'm not sure I'm ready for it yet, but I've known it was coming since that day in your kitchen when I realized half of mom's single friends were already coming over to check on you. A guy like you doesn't have to stay single if he doesn't want to and I would never expect you to stay single just to appease me. It may take me some time to adjust to seeing you with someone or hearing about someone else but I promise you dad, I'll try really hard to be happy for you.”

  “That's all I could ask honey. I appreciate your honesty. I'll keep you filled in on what happens with me. Now go and wrap your arms around that neglected man of yours, “Todd said with relief.

  Cami hung up the phone, and went to find her husband. He took one look at her face, opened his arms, and she melted into them. Her body shook with her sobs. “What's wrong honey,” Sean asked tenderly?

  “Nothing,” she admitted, “I'm just not ready for things to change.” Through inelegant little sobbing snorts Cami told Sean about her conversation with her father. He knew her well enough to understand her myriad of emotions. He couldn't really help her deal with what she was feeling because even she didn't really know which of the sentiments had top billing in this emotional display. She was happy for her father and excited about his future, but sad for the loss of the relationship her parents had that defined her life. She was secure in the knowledge of her father's love, but jealous of any new woman in his life. She was anxious to get to know a woman her father dated, but fearful of comparing that woman to her mother.

  Cami sighed loudly and snuggled deeper into her husband's arms. Change was inevitable and she had to learn to accept and roll a little better, but when she was surrounded by so much love it was hard to let go of the fragile control she had over her little part of the world.

  The phone call to Marci was easier. Liz had mentioned to him that Marci was ready to start dating and had found someone she might like to go out with. She sounded almost relieved when Todd told her that he too was thinking about dating again. They wished each other well, talked about family things for a moment and then ended the conversation.